The Tums Tales

What’s in my bag? My wallet, keys, and an old Altoids tin filled with Tums and Advil. You know that phrase, “Youth is wasted on young”, well I have recently discovered that to be true. After three decades on this earth, I fear my hips have given out and my metabolism has decided it’s taking a much needed “5". When you are little, thirty seems so far away that you are sure by then you will have a family, a stable job and probably an in-unit washer and dryer, but little Anna would surly be confused by this turn of events. I am not saying I grew up in a traditional household, where my parents were married by 25, kids by 30 and a dad as the ‘pants of the family’, but you do feel a certain societal pressure from your other suburban counterparts. I have lived a fortunate life and am grateful for all of the sacrifices my parents have made for me to have such a privileged childhood, but by God, have I welcomed my Peter Pan syndrome with open arms because adulthood sucks. I wish I was more prepared for the tough choices and reality of being on my own in a world where shit is expensive and insurance is a nuisance. They made it look so easy to be in your 30’s where everything would be a clear path, whoever “they” are. I am currently writing this at noon on a Wednesday in my pajama pants, so whoever spread that rumor that “30’s are the best years” was clearly doing well.

This isn’t a cry for help or a woe is me think piece, but a nod to all my other 30-year-olds who aren’t where they thought they would be. We are constantly evolving and generational pressure only has the power we give it. I am learning that it is ok to take a break and figure out what makes you feel fulfilled. Of course rent, insurance, groceries and all the other expenses are making my anxiety meds work overtime, but I know that life is too short to be stuck in a 9-5 job that is making you feel drained and unaccomplished. This is just how I feel and I know I am not alone because TikTok has brought me to a place where other adults are starting over. There should truly be a class in high school, called “reality check”, where you learn how to budget, build relationships and find fulfilling hobbies. I wish I didn’t have to pick what I studied at 18 when I was still scared to make my own doctor appointments. Being an adult is weird and stressful, but with it comes autonomy and choices, which are scary and exciting. I am learning to not feel embarrassed by my circumstances because everyone is on their own path and usually to narcissistic to notice your mistakes anyways. I am writing this mostly to get this off my chest, but also to help me understand my so-called failures. I am starting to classify my failures as the universe trying to tell me I am in the wrong place at the wrong time. I recently had a fortune cookie that said “Don’t be hasty, prosperity will knock on your door soon” and for some reason that tiny piece of paper gave me hope. For now, I am just going to enjoy taking a break, look for opportunities and try to feel fulfilled in this one life I have.